This shit always happens

i fall for someone wayyy outta the ballpark

they fall for me

i get scared

i fuck it up

make it better

i get scared

i fuck it up

make it better

then repeat.

then finally everything is going good

or 

so they think

but they dont know the truth

the real truth anyways

see im not like most

Im A HIGHTOWER-JOHNSON

show me some 

?

hmmm

well anyways

im stuck again

is it love?

or 

is it the thing i keep doing?

yup .

its bad.

this gets boring and tired. i have like nothing to do. considering normally my day surounds you. lol i love how you can control someones life. anyways

its whatever

i cant wait till that 1.5 day has reached 30.. then maybe itll get easier

i guess i gotta take easy steps..

yeah it may get bumpy.. but has there ever been a smooth perfect ride?

this would be easier if i had them around… 

guess this is something i have to do on my own… im not surprised.

Im sorry for the call last night.. what was i thinking? it was your birthday did i really want to upset you?… I see myself going back and forth and resenting you because im so mad at myself and hurt im trying to get you to feel that way. maybe its because i still and probably wont get over the year or something we had together. or maybe even all the games i felt were played btwn us. but when your restenting you really drank the poision and hope someone else is hurting from it. then when i got sent away my 2 best friends were my motivation to get better and leave.. well i guess now i see what happens when i fuck up so bad. i push the two people who knew me and i knew them like the back of my hand are gone… it actually sucks waking up and not having a txt from either one of you. i guess it only seems like yesterday i was waking up right next to both. i dont think ive ever cried in anyones arms…. 

at the end of the day i realize all i want back is my two best friends…. but theres alot of things that people want that doesnt happen…i thought it was ok to do the things i did… lemme curse you out when im drunk and use it as an excuse or even high… like no.. but the worst of all is when im so blinded by one thing i completely drop the other.

i will always love you both…. bubbles and blue

sober day : 1

Meet rasta and ganja :)

crazy kid. aye !

I need to feel not here sometimes

let my mind be free

think on its own

be its one

be weird

be funny

be a slut

do things u normally wouldn’t

because sometimes its ok

sometimes u need to feel like that

feel real

say hello to my amazing girlfriend.

I kept trying to ask myself… what was it about you that was making me mad crazy… was it your eyes? was it the hair? or was it overall just our cute face? then i thought… those are all GREAT bonus but the real reason why i fell for you so hard.. is because your inner beauty the way we connected how i can look at u and just smile. how genuine you are with me, how much you care, how willing you are to do what is right, your self respect.. it has motivated me. because we can talk about anything and everything.. but ultimately because your not afraid to be you.

I actually love this girl more than life itself.

she completes me

we are smalls and talls

its everything about her i love even the faults

we’ve waited awhile

because we new there would be a good time.

right now is that time….

I love you smalls

you are mine

and

Im yours

When ever we look at each other

you smile

i smile

we give each other looks

we know theres something

we are scared

both of us

you think im going to hurt you

i can see it in your eyes

confustion

uncerinty

hurt

and its hard to let go

me, 

im scared that you will just find someone better

and 

think im not worth it

thats the main reason im scared of relationships 

my resistance to think im good enough

but i see this connection

and 

i think you do too

because 

before you left 

i looked directly in your eyes

and we shared a smile

Something I call swag ;)

“A foolish person who seeks fame and profits from any situation always suffers”

So im taking a break,

from all the drama 

the bull

the life everyone “loves”

and

im being selfish

taking time to myself

looking at life from another perspective

if i saw myself a year ago i would have said

what a loser…

done with

same shit 

different day

it gets old

im on a whole other direction….

the right